Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize