so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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