Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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