How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize