Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize