Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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