Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize