I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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