Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize