Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize