wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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