So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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