I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
