My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize