I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize