the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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