so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
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valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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