see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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