I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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