Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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