i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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