The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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