we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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