they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need moral support for this bender
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
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Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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