someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize