Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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