well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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