Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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