apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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