i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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