The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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