Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize