first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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