My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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