Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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