sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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