i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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