I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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