Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize