so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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