im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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