Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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