I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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