i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize