TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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