I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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