better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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