I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize