I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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