clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
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I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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