my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
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Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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